The Non-Gift

Today is the infamous Black Friday -- the day when Americans lose their collective minds and engage in primitive behavior to supposedly save money on luxury items for a season that is supposed to be about peace, good will, and gift-giving. I'm not a joy-shopper; I'm a need-shopper so Black Friday holds no attraction for me. However, while I was delving into the depths of the closets where I store my Christmas decorations, it was hard not to think of gifts and their various incarnations. Some of the most treasured gifts I've ever received were the ones made by my children when they were little. It's a cliche because it's true. I also ran into some very nice things that I have received that I will never use -- these would fall into Seinfeld's "re-gifting" category. A category that hasn't been featured on a major sitcom, though,is the Non-Gift. My children once had this relative who didn't really like or want to be around children. This relative, oh I'll call her Bride of Satan or BOS for short, had to make it appear to those in her social circle that she loved and adored my children and even remembered occasionally that they existed. BOS never bought Christmas or birthday gifts for them (because it would have meant traveling from Owasso to Tulsa and we ALL know how difficult that trip is) nor did she send money or gift cards because their mother might grab hold of them and use them for something frivolous like buying groceries or paying a utility bill. No, she bought savings bonds in their name and sent them the patriotic-looking little gift certificate saying, "I bought this for you" but gave no indication of how those bonds were to ever find their way into their hands or be redeemed. She's been dead for several years now and we had forgotten about those Non-Gifts from so long ago but I found the worthless certificates in a basket in a closet and would love to give them to my kids who are now adults and could really use a little nest egg as they're starting out in the world. I have no idea how to access those bonds, if they've been cashed in, or if the Bride of Satan went into the Afterlife with them clutched in her greedy hands. I just know they were a Non-Gift at the time and they've remained as a lasting "Eff you!" Giving a Non-Gift to an adult is bad manners; giving a Non-Gift to a child is unforgivable. And that's what I really think.